Sleep Training Twins-What Worked for Us

Hi Twin Talk Family!
My name is Nicole Conte!  I work full time as the Territory Manager for the state of Alabama for Weight Watchers and I have been married to my Brazilian firefighter hubby Renan for 6 years.  We conceived our precious baby girls Everly and Saylor through IVF and they were born July 3, 2014.

So like most Twin parents, I was appalled at the lack of sleep we got those first few months.  Heck, the first night home I didn't know if I was going to make it!! But somehow, we learn to cope with that lack of sleep and life goes on.  

Our Typical night was my husband Renan and I struggling to keep our eyes open until 10:30 or 11pm giving the girls a bottle and putting them to bed.  We would be up and down about 6-7 times putting a paci back in, or adjusting a swaddle.  The babies would wake up around 4am to eat another bottle and after that it was a struggle to get them back to sleep so we would generally drag babies and boppies in our king size bed just to find a little rest.  Then we would be up around 6:30am for the day.  That equated to about 4- 5 solid sleep hours for us and ZERO time together in the evenings to focus on each other.  I was spent, so I knew it was time to start researching sleep training.  Before the girls came, I read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins so I had a general idea of what path I wanted to take, but I still took to google and researched like crazy about what worked, and what didn't.  Generally, most people did some form of the Cry It Out (CIO) method. When we started this, I sat down with my husband and we made out a game plan.  It was imperative that we were both on the same page because this was going to be a team effort and I needed him to be ALL IN. We had a few bumps in the road and it took us MUCH longer to get this done than some people.  We had alot of trial and error but we remained a united team and committed to it together.  I hope this will help some of you that may also be struggling.  First, we laid out our goals:

1.  Getting girls to sleep through the night
2.  Weaning both night time feedings
3.  Stop bringing them into our bed


Method:
Modified CIO was the method we used.  We didn't stick to a very strict time schedule, but we would let them cry for a period that we felt comfortable with and then go in and SOOTHE ONLY.  Rubbing the face, patting the back, speaking softly, and giving the paci worked for us.  Those first weeks took a lot of trips up and down and at times I felt I couldn't keep going.....but we did.  It's very tough on a Mama and Daddy to hear screaming when we know that just bringing them in our bed would stop it all.  That was not a healthy thing for us as a couple or for our girls to be able to get the best sleep possible.  Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins, will help you understand the importance of sleep and sleeping WELL for babies. Good sleep habits make life run smoother over all and with multiples....we will take all the smoothness we can get.  Can i get an AMEN??

*Side Note:  Speaking of AMEN, I truly had to give this training to the Lord and let Him guide us.  There were times that I would feel that it just wasn't working and I must be a failure.  Those were the times that I was trying to control it myself.  Letting go and turning it over to the Lord helped to give me peace and strength to keep my eye on the prize, knowing that He had my back.

Routine:
Most people agree that a bedtime routine is key to getting them to recognize it is sleepy time.  Well, I am anti night baths because my husband is a firefighter so every third night, i'm alone.  Bathing 2 squirmy babies, by myself.  No thank you!!  So we tried doing what we normally did as the "routine."  Big Bottle at 10:30 or 11pm and then putting them in bed drowsy but awake.  My thought was, well, if we dont put them to bed until later, they will sleep later!!  Nope.  Not even close.  After talking with another Twin Mama, she suggested earlier bedtime and a very clear routine.  Earlier bedtime was a tough thing for me to swallow because my husband and I are very social.  We are part of a small group during the week and love going out to eat with friends.  If we put the girls down at 7 or 8, that was going to severely hinder that, but we decided it would be worth it and committed to a new routine.  Bath (sometimes its a sponge bath, but a bath nonetheless), Lotion, PJs, big bottle, low key time with us, then we put them in bed drowsy, but awake.  Starting early bedtime and a clear cut routine, was key for us.  Yes, we do have some times that we miss our social outings.  Some single child parents may have felt we were being over the top, but with 2 babies, with 2 different sleep habits, it was crucial that we set up a schedule and routine.  As for missing out on social stuff, when I am curled up watching TV with Renan and the house is quiet with 2 peacefully sleeping babies......It's a good thing my friends!

Bath time.... A team effort!!

Weaning Bottles:
At this point, my girls were no longer nursing and on formula.  Even with going to sleep at 7 or 8, they would still seem to wake up at least 2 times during the night to want to eat so that was our next goal.  Weaning all overnight feeds.  The best advice surrounding this was to try and get the jump on the babies BEFORE they woke up crying.  We didn't want to associate crying with "Mommy is going to give me what i want." That would have defeated our purpose of the sleep training, but I also didn't want my babies to be starving at night and not go to them!!  They typically woke between 11-12am for a bottle so we would try to stay awake until about 10:30 and then go in and do a "dream feed" while they were still sleeping.  We would tip toe in, put the bottle in their mouth and let them drink until they were done.  We started with a full bottle and every night or 2, I would decrease the amount by 1oz.  The first night that we had weaned them down completely, I was scared to death they would wake up demanding that last oz, but they didnt!!!  Now we had to do the same thing with the 4am bottle, and it too worked out great!!  Now there were some nights that they woke up before we had a chance to give them the dream feed, and that was frustrating because I felt like it took us backwards a bit.  My biggest tip here is to just keep on keeping on.  If you feel like you need more than a couple nights between decreasing your feeds, then do whatever makes you comfortable.  Sometimes when giving the girls just an ounce or two, they would get ticked off and start to get upset, but we would just pop in the paci and generally they would drop right back off to sleep.

Sleeping Through the Night:
We started this right at 4 months old with the girls. They just turned 6 months are we are FINALLY sleeping through the night fully. There are still times they may wake up crying a bit, but we try to let them get themselves back to sleep.  They usually do and if not, we may just go in to soothe.  They will go down around 8pm and don't wake up for the day until around 8am.   It is absolutely glorious to have time in the evenings to talk with my husband and cook and eat dinner together, getting more than 5 hours sleep was made me a different human being, and my girls are happier babies.  A nice side effect of this was naptimes.  Being well rested at night makes for better naptimes during the day for us which is fabulous for a Mama that works full time from home!!

Was this tough?  Yes.  Probably one of the toughest things I have done as a mother.  Was it worth it?  100 million times YES.  It's one of the things that I am most proud to have accomplished as a mother thus far.  We didn't do this by the "rules" per say.  My husband and I looked at what we wanted to accomplish and what would work best for us as a family to get us there.  It did take longer than "they" say it would take.   We had some things that set us back and things that we realized in the rear view weren't the best decisions.  But we learned from everything.  If this is something you are thinking of attempting with your babies, i want to encourage you to GO FOR IT!  You may have stumbles, but just keep your eye on the finish line.  You will get there....no matter how long it takes!  

Would love to connect with all you mother twin mamas out there on Instagram at @nicoleconte or @twinkiebands. You can also follow my crazy Mis-adventures on my personal blog www.adventureswiththecontes.blogspot.com

If only we could all sleep like this!!

Conte Twins-5 Months

Holy Cow, this month has been a WHIRLWIND. No joke, it may be our fastest month yet. This month started off with a BANG, but not in a good way. As December opened up, my sweet little Everly developed a yucky little cough and was very snotty. Saylor also had a bit of a sniffle so I called the Doc to schedule an appointment. He confirmed Croup, but it was very early so they gave steroids to both gals and we were snotting it up for the next week or so but everything was ok!

 They weighed them at the Doc and my Evie was 15lbs and Say was 14!! Ev has always been smaller, but the last couple months she has passed Say Say. The end of that week, we took the girls to one of my very favorite Childhood memories, the Alabaster Christmas Parade. It was REALLY rainy that morning so we contemplated not going, but the rain cleared and we busted it to the parade. Because we were later getting there, we didn't get our usual spot by City Hall and the parade itself was a little slow and choppy. The girls did GREAT and lasted about halfway through the parade before they got super sleepy and fussy. We literally walked a few feet from our spot and they were already asleep. 

 The next week, I traveled to Atlanta for work. Our plan was for Mom and Dad to keep the girls, Renan was going to come with me and we were going to stay over for a MUCH needed getaway weekend in ATL. My Dad had some health issues and we were right in the middle of sleep training, so we decided it would be best for Renan to stay home with the girls. I was upset because Ren and I could have really used that time to reconnect a little. I wrote in a previous blog that we have struggled some in our relationship since the girls have arrived. Things are definitely smoothing out, but I won't lie, some days we are back to struggling. It truly is daily work to make sure we are putting the Lord first and serving each other rather than ourselves. We are a work in progress but I wouldn't want to work at this with ANYONE but Renan Conte. Many of you responded to my last post about the adjustment in our marriage since the girls arrived. It is good to know we are not alone.  We have a bible verse taped to the bathroom mirror to remind ourselves every day how to treat each other.
 "complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus" Phillipians 2:2-5
I feel like these words from Paul are very good for us to remember.  Ren and I are on the same team and we need to be behaving as ONE in all things....and it all begins by having the same attitude as Christ.  Whew, anyone else want to raise your hand with me and say that's a tough one to practice when you are exhausted and have spit up all over you?!?! Seriously though, we are a constant work in progress and that is OK!  

 Anyway, He stayed home with them and ROCKED it out of course. He is the BEST Dad....he dives in with both feet and never complains. Oh, and Mama had a BLAST in ATL  with my WW girls.  It was nice to be Nicole for a couple days. :)

 Another huge thing this month....RENAN IS NOW A PARAMEDIC!!!! After 2 years of busting his butt in countless classes, rotations, finals, midterms....He finished school and passed his Registry. I am both bursting with pride and relief. Proud that I am married to a man that pushes himself to be better and better. Relief that he doesn't have to be in class and rotations all the time!! WHOO HOO!! Seriously, Ren, I am in awe of you. You did all this while also being everything to all of us. I am so proud of you my love. 

 I feel like Christmas also came faster than ever before this month. I feel like I blinked and it was Christmas Eve. I was able to take the last 2 1/2 weeks off of work for the year and focus on Renan and our girls. We made Christmas goodies together and made ornaments with the girls feet and handprints. We were really able to soak up so much playtime together and it has been heavenly. Christmas Eve was a blast. We went to Mom and Dad's to wait for another of my Childhood Traditions, Santa on the Alabaster Fire Truck....well, they were a little late and the girls were literally falling asleep while wating for we had to leave. 

Renan and I were so excited for church that night. Being able to have our babies with us while singing beautiful Christmas songs to our Lord was the BEST!! We stole several glances at each other through the service and I know we were both just lapping it up. The girls were SO well behaved and they looked so stinking cute in their PJs!

 We had our Conte family celebration that night and they go so many cute fun gifts and we had a great time hanging with family. Christmas Day, my mom had cooked a beautiful breakfast and we opened gifts. The girls must have been really good in these 5 months of life because they got lots of fun presents. 

 It has truly been the hardest year of our lives, but it has been the BEST year also. It's strange to say that , but having twins is no joke but oh my gosh is it special and sweet. I can't believe the Lord blessed us with not only one miracle, but 2. That is pretty special if you ask me.

       THE GIRLS: Saylor: Say Say is still screaming and screeching all over the place! She is a loud smiley little thing. She has a lot of Butterbean Perry in her, because she never meets a stranger and loves to show off her gummy grin to anyone who pays her attention. Her hands are her new favorite accessory. She CONSTANTLY has them in her mouth and it creates a major drool issue. She has been rolling over since last month but she has stepped up her game this month. If you lay her down, she is on her tummy in a flash. I will never forget the first night that i woke up to look at the video monitor and she had flipped herself on her tummy and was asleep!! I ran in there and made sure she was breathing. She was and ever since then she sleeps on her tummy all the time. Her legs are super strong and she LOVES to stand up with help. It makes her so excited and she will flap her arms and scream out. Her favorites right now are Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Sofia the First, and Doc McStuffins which we watch while playing in the floor together. 

 Everly: Evie has had a big month. She has officially found her voice and is no longer letting Saylor speak for her. She has such a different personality from Saylor and her voice is just as different. It is very soft and sweet and it almost sounds like she is singing. I promise you it is the sweetest sound you have ever heard. :) She will sit in her carseat and sing the entire way to run errands. I LOVE it. Although Saylor had been rolling, Everly had really not had any interest in trying it until this month. A few weeks ago she started trying but just couldnt get over by herself, well now she has it mastered and is flipping all over the floor. Around this same time, she found her sister and she lays and yells out and coos to her. Sometimes Saylor will speak back, other times she can't be bothered but it is amazing to watch these 2 little babies interacting and loving each other. I pray they are best friends. Ev also loves watching Disney Jr. with her sissy. 

 We started sleep training at 4 months to try and get them to sleep longer and stop eating at night. Well, it took WAY WAY WAY longer than i ever expected, but we have finally made progress after about 2 months. The wins I feel we have had thus far are :

 1. They have learned to tune each other out. Even if one wakes up crying LOUD, the other can usually sleep through it.

 2. We have weaned them from 2 overnight feedings at 10:30pm and 4am. 
 3. They stay in the bed from about 8pm-8am (note i didn't say sleep....they still wake throughout the night a little however, all we do is go in and soothe without picking them up and they are immediately back to sleep.) 

 4. Renan and I have our evenings back. This has been a HUGE help for us to feel like "us" again and not just Mommy and Daddy. We are able to cook, eat, watch TV, whatever! I am SO glad we decided to sleep train. It has truly been the HARDEST thing yet. We had to commit from the beginning that we would be consistent and really stick with what we planned to do. We have had to make sacrifices in our social life and really pick and choose when to be out and when to stay home. Some parents with one baby may not have to be as strict but for us with 2 babies with 2 different personalities and habits, it was crucial for us to do this. Now about halfway through training, I had to have a come to Jesus meeting....literally. I had to have a time of truly handing it over to the Lord and realizing that not matter how much i planned or researched....He still needed to be guiding me. After that things fell into place more...imagine that. Will I ever learn?!? Renan has been a big support on this too....it was imperative that we both believed in what we were doing and made a commitment. He has been supportive of it and never hesitated if I told him we were going to deviate from our plan a little. He was along for the ride and encouraging me along the way. 

 That feels like SO MUCH to cram into one month. We begin an new year today....my babies will turn ONE in this year. Is this some kind of crazy joke?!? I JUST GAVE BIRTH TO THEM!!! It's getting better and better and I am so blessed to be their Mom!