Conte Twins- Four Months

So these 2 little miracles are in their 4th month of life. Everyone one always said it passes so fast, but again, I guess I thought MY experience would be SO much different.....it couldn't go THAT fast, right?!? Wrong. Warp.Speed. In my last post, I let you know it has been no easy task to learn to parent twins. In fact, I really wouldn't want to go back to those first few months. It was such a helpless, exhausting time even though our babies were SO tiny and cute. 

 Now that we have hit four months, things seem a little more normal. I am so hesitant to use that word because just as soon as I say that, tomorrow will be completely different! As we ended the third month, our nights were getting a bit easier. At 3 months I began to put rice cereal in their night bottle only and it started them sleeping 5-6 hours through the night. Renan and I thought we were home free!! Sure we had to wake up to put paci's back in or adjust a swaddle blanket, but mostly we were seeing things getting better and better. Yeah, then they turned 4 months. It was like someone flipped a switch on my good sleepers and for about 10 days they went nuts. They wouldn't sleep well at night , waking multiple times and their typical 3 hours naps turned into 30-40 minutes. UGH. I had one night by myself that was so bad, I cried all night long with them. I was such a wreck the next day I called my mom to come stay with me the next solo night. I haven't done that since they were NEWBORNS but I couldn't face another night like that alone. She came and helped out and then thankfully the last couple weeks have slowly started to even out more. We are back to good naps during the day and fairly good sleeping at night. For now that is!! The cutest thing they have really started this month is yelling and cackling.

 They have found their voices and it's the cutest and funniest thing. Saylor is our Mouth of the South. That girl will smile a BIG toothless open mouth smile and SCREAM at the top of her lungs. She is definitely our squeaky wheel and she thinks that will get her all the attention! She is wide open all the time. It's either ecstatically happy or she wants to burn the house down. haha! She LOVES to sit up like a big girl and will try to pull herself up to a sitting position if you lay her down. She kicks her little legs like she is racing a cheetah and it's the cutest thing ever. Her legs are strong and can stand up with help. She looks just like her Daddy and has the dramatic personality of her Mommy. She is in a size ONE diaper and 3-6 month clothes. My favorite thing about Saylor this month is how she wakes up in the mornings and lets the whole house know that she is up by screaming and laughing at herself. Then when we go in, she just SMILES up at us. Sweet angel, we love you so much.

 Everly is our sweet shy little love. She is a little shorter than Say Say and has the most kissable little chubby cheeks. Her voice is quiet and sweet and she loves to just stare and coo at Mommy and Daddy. Ev loves to smile at us too and it's the sweetest little grin you have ever seen. It just looks so genuine. She is much more her Daddy in personality. Generally laid back and quiet....if she does get upset, you know she really means it. I love it because she is looking more and more like Mama. She has a strong neck and loves tummy time but isn't that big on trying to stand up yet like sister. Ev is also in a size ONE diaper and 3-6 month clothes but she is a good bit bigger than Saylor so I'm thinking we will be moving up diaper sizes before sister does. We love our little precious butterball so much.

 This month they really started to notice that the other one is there. They have learned to play together on their playmat and they CONSTANTLY are holding hands. Makes my heart burst. 

 We are still swaddling them to nap and sleep at night because if we do not, naps and sleep are over quickly, however these strong girls have started breaking out of the swaddles so we got some transitional swaddles that have helped a lot! 

 We also started Sleep Training based on a book called Heathly Sleep Habits, Happy Twins. Basically we let them cry it out for timed intervals and then go in and soothe. We are also trying to wean the one bottle they eat overnight. They weren't bad sleepers, they just would wake up frequently and eventually Ren and I would get so tired of going back and forth that we would bring them in the room with us. That has to stop so we are right in the middle of training. So far it's going well and we have them weaned to taking only 1 oz at 4am.... Other than that they are pretty much sleeping well! It's taken about 1.5 weeks so far. They say twins take longer bc they wake each other up but that is something they have to learn to tune out. Stay tuned for our fun adventures in month 5!!!! 

A Whole New World!!!

If I heard one time while I was pregnant, I heard a million times.....Get your rest now!! haha! It was almost a threat from people in a very light jokey tone. Obviously they were implying, that once my precious baby girls arrive, sleep would be hard to come by. I would laugh with them, but in my head I was thinking, "What wimps these people must be....it can't be THAT bad!!" Yeah, if you are a parent and you are laughing with me right now......I deserve it. I truly had NO IDEA how much life would change and how HECTIC it would be with twins. Before I get deeper into this, let me say that I absolutely LOVE these girls. Like a serious love that I didnt even know I was capable of feeling. ......But now let's get to real life. Now the first night home, we were ready.....or so we thought. See, the entire 2 weeks the girls were in the NICU, I had been setting my alarm for every 3 hours to get up and pump so I could deliver milk to them each day. I just naturally assumed it would be pretty similar to have them home with us at night.....NOT EVEN CLOSE. We set them up in our room in our double bassinet Pack and Play on my side of the bed. I might have slept 2 hours that night....every grunt, hiccup, or deep breath had me wide awake. They were on a good schedule from being in the NICU of eating every 3 hours so in addition to the new noises, we were also going back and forth to the kitchen to make and warm bottles. I continued to pump in addition to nursing them during the day so that Renan could share in the nighttime duties and the girls could have bottles. My hope was to be able to tandem nurse them during the day.

 Yeah, that above text....i wrote that FOUR MONTHS AGO!!! Our life has literally been nonstop and I will admit VERY difficult. So i will catch everyone up....I did want to nurse, but once i got home from the NICU, having both of these little girls was literally sucking the life out of me. I loved the bond of nursing but my supply was really low and i was killing myself trying to keep up with them. I was trying to pump after nursing so i could have bottles for at night and it was exhausting. I woke up one morning with what felt like rocks in my left breast. Renan was off work that day at home with us but he was sleeping and so were the girls so I called my mother. I cried my eyes out and she said, Do you want me to come over? um....YES! At her insistence, i called the Lactation consultant and she told me to get in a hot shower, and firmly massage the blocked milk duct (aka, the rocks) Well i did and it was everything i could do not to scream out in pain. HORRIBLE. Then she told me to put the girls to my breast and have my mom massage it at the same time. So there we sat with Everly nursing and my mother pushing on my boob to try to relieve the duct. I just cried. The amount of modesty you lose after babies is staggering! So after that exhausting and tear filled day, my mom insisted that Renan and I go out to dinner that night and they would come stay with the babies. Now it was only 5 days since we had been home with them from the NICU and i remember crying to her saying, it hasnt even been a week and i already need a break?!? I felt guilty but she said GO! Thank God for her. We went out and just reconnected. We so needed it. We went to target that night and went to the formula aisle. After doing some research and cost analysis, we decided to start seriously praying about switching to formula because i was just so miserable trying to keep up nursing them both. I was thankful to have his support and that began the process. We have had lots of date nights since then. Love the support and help of our family. The next Sunday, we took the girls to church and i was in the process of drying my milk up which was a peach of a time, let me tell you. I saw our friend Gina and Chris Dorough who had their baby Ben 2 days before the girls. After church she messaged me on FB and said, Not sure how nursing is going but the Lord brought you to my mind this morning. I have a surplus of milk and i would love to donate it to the girls if you are interested." Seriously?!? I couldn't believe how the Lord used her to ease my mind about giving up Breastfeeding the girls. She gave me her first batch of 300 oz of milk and i was able to slowly transition them to formula instead of just switching all at one time.

 They still now, 4 months later are still getting one bottle of breast milk a day and I have TONS in the freezer. What a blessing Gina is to us by providing my girls with the best of the best. She TRULY has a servants heart. So on we go and as we started the formula, we started the SCREAMING while eating. All. the. time. It was so exhausting and mind numbing to have hungry babies that screamed while they ate. The doctor mentioned reflux and I personally think colic as well. They would toot and spit up and cry. I probably called the doctor 25 times those first 4 weeks they were home. I just couldnt get relief for them and i was at my wits end. This was around the time Renan went back to work also so I was alone with them alot. 

Try having 2 of these screaming at you for hours on end!!! 

 It was probably about 3 months that i really started to see improvements....they no longer cried while eating and would SUCK down a bottle. We are even able to be off all the reflux meds now and they are doing great. Still tooting though. They get that from Daddy. haha! One thing that i did from the beginning was get out of the house with them. I HATE being cooped up in the house so i knew for my sanity I had to take them places. Our first trip was to the Galleria with Mom. It went great with the exception of Saylor SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER on the way out the door. She was done. We went the next week too. After that we went everywhere! I take them to target, we go shopping at the promenade, we go to Mom's all the time, you name it!! I have even taken them out to eat lots too. Del Toro is their favorite. They are usually pretty good once we get somewhere......but riding in the car with them. UGH. They hate the car seats and they will loudly let me know that. Bless them. 

 Ren and I have even left them overnight when we went to the beach at 8 weeks! it was SO needed and i felt like a new mom when I got home. I have even had 2 overnight work trips of 2 nights each and Renan has ROCKED it at home by himself with them. However please don't forget that i am with them for 24 hours straight every 2 days.....just needed to throw that out there!! haha Seriously though he is an amazing Daddy. Very hands on and doesnt hesitate to take charge and do whatever he needs to for these gals. 

 However, Renan and Nicole, the husband and wife have had some trying times. The first 5 years of our marriage were awesome. We rarely fought and if we did we were really good about hashing it out and getting over it quickly. My biggest fear about having kids was that our relationship would change and I did NOT want that to happen. I loved us and we had grown SO much in our relationship with each other and the Lord. Well let me tell you right now. THINGS WILL CHANGE. At least they have for us and I have had a very hard time adjusting. About a month ago when i finally came up for air, i realized that i felt like I was missing being his WIFE. I was the Mama and he was the Daddy, but we werent being good Husband and wife. It took several intense conversations in which i wondered if we would ever come to a place where we were both understand the other one. We decided to really give this one to the Lord and work each day to grow closer to Him so that in turn we would grow closer to each other. We have started a devotional and praying together at night. It's nothing ground breaking and there are still days that it's a struggle, but i have to realize....our world was just turned UPSIDE DOWN and there will be a period of adjustment. We are letting the Lord lead us and making sure that we put each other first. Daily choices but my gosh, i love that man with all my heart. I could not imagine going through this life without his silly sweet self by my side. And he is really cute.

 Ok I think we are semi caught up. I still look back at pictures of the first month at home with them and i dont remember it. Isn't that crazy?!? I do not remember them being so tiny. But they were and now they are little 13lb chunks and they are growing at warp speed. I love them and their little smiles SO MUCH. Their laughs warm my heart in a way i cant explain and it literally brings tears to my eyes. I have no idea how they are 4 months old, but they are.....and it's almost Christmas. I am determined to continue blogging on a more regular basis because if the next four months are anything like the first, I wont remember it either!

Life in the NICU

So the weirdest thing I experienced after giving birth to the girls, was knowing that I had just had twin baby girls, but not actually having them with me. It was a very strange and almost unexplainable feeling. On one hand, I was exhausted and in pain, but on the other hand, I had a longing to be with my babies. I loved going down that long hallway to see them

....everytime I got to see and hold them was like a refresher for my Mama heart. The first few days, the NICU nurses only wanted us to hold them once in the morning and once in the evening so that they did not get overstimulated. That was tough because the only way we could touch them was through the small holes in the isolets. I would take turns with each girl softly talking to them and stroking their little hands and arms. It was so hard to see the tiny little IV's and blood pressure cuffs attached to them. The second night after having them, was a really tough one for me. We made the trek down to see them around 9pm. Before all this, I had taken my first shower and removed the dresssing from my incision. That in itself really took it out of me. When we got to the NICU, the nurse asked if I wanted to change Saylor's diaper. Well, honestly I didn't because I was so weak and tired, but I was the Mama, so of course I said yes! Then I realized she expected me to change this 4lb baby's diaper through the isolet! Mind you, this is probably the first diaper I had changed since I babysat in high school. I put my arms through the small openings and began to change my first of THOUSANDS of dirty diapers. 

 I think I used about 12 baby wipes. I felt like the biggest idiot. I did get to hold my sweet Saylor that night though and although I was having such a rough night, it was like heaven to breathe in her sweet little head. 

 The day that we were being discharged I woke up and got everything ready to go. We went down for our morning visit to the NICU to see the gals. Up to this point, We had only been able to hold the babes while they were wrapped up in blankets to maintain thier temperatures. Well for some reason on this day, the nurse asked me if I wanted to nurse Everly. I was shocked and very nervous but I said, yes of course! Up until this point I had just been trying to pump in my room and was getting NOTHING. It was very frustrating. So she unwrapped Ev and handed the tiny little fuzzy headed girl over to me where I placed her on my chest skin to skin for the first time. Very unexpectedly, I broke down into tears....Renan asked me what was wrong and I said, "I've been waiting so long to hold her like this." It was the sweetest moment ever. 

I have a sports bra on here so don't freak out. 

 After the nurses set up a more private area for us, I began to nurse Everly and she did everything perfectly. I was absolutey amazed. Renan and I just kept looking at each other and were just in awe that this tiny baby knew exactly what to do. It was such a bonding experience, not just for me and the baby, but also for Renan. I was not able to nurse Saylor then because she needed to stay under the lights to get her Bili count down.

 We left the hospital at about 11am that morning, knowing we would return that afternoon so I could try to nurse Saylor. I did cry on the way out of the parking deck, but I knew that my babies were in great hands and I would be able to see them lots.....It was just hard to leave with no big belly and no babies....kind of an empty feeling for sure. The next few days went like this: Wake up at 8am and call the NICU to check on the girls and find out what their feeding schedule was for the day. Go to the hospital around lunchtime, and nurse each baby. Go home and nap for about 2 hours. Eat dinner. Go back to the hospital and nurse each baby. Meanwhile while I was home, I would wake up to pump every 3 hours. I wasnt getting much out of the pumping sessions, but I felt like it was the one thing that I could do for my sweet girls since the NICU nurses were doing everything else. I would bring the bottles with me each time we went and they were also supplementing them with formula. It was physically and mentally draining. It was also hard to juggle visitors that wanted to come love on our girls but also try to have time with them as well. I felt alot of guilt about that. Once we hit the One Week mark, was when I started getting really antsy to have them home. They were looking great, gaining weight and I was starting to feel human again so I wanted my babies!! When we talked to the NICU doctor one afternoon while visiting, she mentioned the fact that Everly had another Brady episode. Basically this is something that most premies do where they slow down their breathing and that will slow down their heartrate. Everytime this happenes, it would buy them an extra 5 days in the hospital. Well Saylor had not had a single episode so they were telling us that she would probably be ready to go home in the next day or so, but that Everly would be there longer until she stopped the Brady's. I BROKE DOWN crying. My mom was with me that day because Renan was working and I just couldnt stop crying. For some reason, the thought of leaving Everly by herself without her buddy absolutely broke my heart. That was harder than leaving them both together! That day, I held them both a little closer and a little longer.....and just cried. I called Renan and filled him in and he was able to be the strong one for me. He helped me to feel better about it and helped me remain somewhat calm. I kept texting him throughout the day and he would continue to encourage me that it would be ok and Ev was in the BEST place possible. I knew he was right but my heart was not cooperating. I was praying SO hard every day that our girls would come home soon but I know that the Lord was guiding every step. Our entire story surrounding these babies has been about "Waiting" Waiting to get pregnant, Waiting for them to arrive, Waiting to bring them home. I hate waiting. I'm the most impatient person on the planet. The Lord is definitely molding and shaping me. Working on softening these rough edges I have. That evening I prayed for the Lord to help me be ok with leaving Everly alone. When I woke up to call the next morning the nurse told me that Saylor had her first ever Brady episode at 10pm the night before. That put her and Everly on the same 5 day countdown!!!! I know it's weird that I was happy about that but I knew it meant that my girls would be together still. The next 4 days went by and I was on pins and needles!! Each morning I called and they told me no episodes, I was breathing a sigh of relief mixed with anxiety about the next day. On Tuesday morning Renan and I were sitting there while I was tandem nursing both gals behind the partitions that the nurses had set up for us. We heard our nurse Kimberly on the phone saying, "no one has had a Brady since Friday." "OK, so they can room in with the girls tonight and go home tomorrow?" Renan and I were silent but staring at each other with HUGE eyes......a second later Kimberly hung up the phone and said, "did you guys hear that!?!?" We said, OH YEAH!!! OUR BABY GIRLS WERE COMING HOME!!!! In the NICU at Shelby, they ask you to "room in" with your baby for a night so that you can get used to it while the nurses are still monitoring them. Ren and I RUSHED home and got our bags packed, carseats installed, voted, took Benjamin to the groomer, picked him up, left the key for my sweet friend to come clean the house that evening, then hit the road back to Shelby! We got set up in the room across the hall from the NICU and we had to watch a CPR video and then show the nurse that we could do it correctly before they wheeled the girls in our room. They were off the heart monitors, but still hooked up so the nurses could monitor them a little. We had to keep track on a sheet of every feeding, diaper change, and had to call the nurse each time we fed them so they could get vitals. It was an exhausting night for sure. 

 Not only were we alone with our babies for the first time, every little beep of the monitors would scare us to death! I MIGHT have slept 2 hours total that night. We woke up around 7am and Renan and I both were ready to go!! HOURS went by while we waited for the NICU doctor to arrive to do his final check of the girls before he would discharge them. I had packed a few snacks for us, but when 1pm rolled around, Renan had to go to the cafeteria to get us lunch. It was almost 3pm before we got the word that the doc was there and they took the girls back to him. He came in and told us they were healthy and happy and we were gonna do just fine. When he left, we both just looked at each other with a mix of excitement, nervousness, and absolute sheer terror. haha!! We changed them into their "coming home outfits" that my mother had made them and put them in the carseats and started the walk down to the car after saying the biggest thank you we have ever said to the precious nurses. We strapped them in and off we set for home! I asked Ren on the way home if he was nervous. He said, no, but I sure was!! 

 Overall, our NICU experience was a blessing in disguise. Yes, it was extremely hard and draining to have babies in the NICU. My heart broke many times for many different reasons. It was a complete rollercoaster of emotions that you have to experience to truly understand. But it also gave us time. Time to recover, time to rest, time to learn how to care for our premies. Renan and I were encouraged along the way and ministered to by so many people in so many different ways. It was a humbling experience and we were taught lessons once again by the Lord. I could not have gone through this without the support of my precious husband and our family and friends. I hope that I can one day minister to someone going through this experience one day. One of my friends told me, "no mess, no message." Well, I feel like my life is nothing but a mess so hopefully Renan and I will both have a strong message of Hope and Grace from our God.